adventures in tv watching
I think I have mentioned this before but the English language programming on Japanese TV is (not surprisingly) somewhat lacking. Every night there is a thirty minute broadcast of the NHK news dubbed (poorly) into English.* Also, there are on occasion English language learning shows which are so grating I can not stand to have them on. Sometimes, there are also really, really bad movies broadcast at odd hours, but I think sitting through The Fly II once was torture enough.
I really wish I was kidding about that. An hour of my life I will never get back. At least I didn't waste two hours like Jeff did. I found more enjoyable things to do with my time. Like cleaning the bathroom.
There may in fact be more English programming, but as I am unable to read the TV guide, I rely on stumbling upon it while flipping the channels.
Thankfully, one does not actually need to know what the announcers are saying to enjoy the Olympics. Unlike the ubiquitous Olympic coverage in America, Japan has taken a more restrained approach and not allowed sport competitions to take precedence over the goings-on of an entire country. That, or they only show the sports that they care about when Japanese competitors are doing well. (My money is on choice #2.)
Well today, when it was approximately 3 a.m. in Vancouver, we turned on the Olympic broadcast channel. Rather than playing some of the competition that we might have missed overnight, ABC's Nightline was broadcast.
Initially, I was excited, as I was under the mistaken assumption that I might get to see some American news. No such luck. Turns out, Nightline is not a news program at all. I know, weird. Look at those smug "I'm a real journalist" faces up there. Nightline is rather filled with 15 year-old-boys' lunchtable chatter. Exhibit #1: Today's Nightline lineup. (Given the introduction it deserved.)
First Story
Boy 1: Hey, you know that fat guy who made those movies about the people who work in a convenience store?
Boy 2: Clerks? [translation Kevin Smith]
Boy 1: Yeah, him. Did you hear he got kicked off a plane for being too fat?
Then
Boy 3: Well did you know there are these people who are like, obsessed? [translation OCD] And they wash their hands all the time, and like, think they are going to kill people. [Yes, they did show people who were obsessed with the idea that they would kill someone. In my book, that's a whole different kind of crazy.]
Last
Boy 4: No man, this is the best! So there are these pandas. And they're in the zoo and stuff, not in the wild. And they like to eat more than they like to do it!
Boy 2: No way, man!
Boy 4: Yeah! And so the zoo keepers show them panda porn! [I could not possibly make up something so ludicrous. Sorry, Grandma.]
Yes, people. Apparently this is what ABC News thinks people want to watch at 11:35 p.m.
RIP The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.
Mata ne,
Melissa
*Editor's note: Jeff maintains that the translation is not bad. However, for every five minutes of Japanese mouths moving in the background, there is about two minutes of English translated (see: Wayne's World). I remain skeptical.
